Made of Stone
by Maddie Rose
Summary: Selene Malfoy was a Slytherin, just like her older brother Lucius. She doesn't find the pranksters known as the Marauders to be funny, witty or popular. Yet a chance encounter leads to Selene ultimately befriending Remus Lupin. As her world starts to spiral out of control, Selene's family loyalty and newfound feelings are thrown into conflict. Remus/OC.
1. Pureblood

**Chapter One: Pureblood**

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 **A/N: So this is the first chapter of my Remus/OC story :) It will probably end up being long! Selene's will be the primary POV, but you may end up getting other characters too ;)**

 **The first couple of chapters will span over first to fourth year, but after that the story will be from fifth year onwards.**

 **Also, a huge thank you to LovelyFandomLover for her help with betaing this!**

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 ** _"_** ** _In our extreme youth, in our most humiliating sorrow, we think we are alone. When we are older we find that others have suffered too." – Suzanne Moarny_**

* * *

 _Selene Malfoy_

We were children when it started. Naive, innocent teenagers who didn't know a lot beyond the safety of Hogwarts's walls. All we knew were hexes, pranks, childhood grudges and the thrill of a Quidditch game. We didn't know what was _out there_. The Dark Lord was building an army the likes of which we couldn't fathom, because we were _children_.

But we changed.

We hardened up, we lost loved ones, we became soldiers. Yet even as we fought against the darkness, the cracks started to show on the inside. Who were the Marauders now? Could they trust each other? They were falling apart.

My name is Selene Malfoy and this is my story. It is not a love story, or even a story about love, although I suppose there is some love in it. It is the story of life and death, of how hard we fought and how much we lost.

This is the story of the Marauders.

* * *

Being from a pureblood family, being from the Malfoy family, there is only one house that it is acceptable to be sorted into. Salazar Slytherin was practically a god within the pureblood world. The thing that you must understand is that many of the old families prided themselves on their purity, on the fact that their blood was not tarnished by mingling with Mudbloods…sorry, Muggle-borns.

I suppose at the start – and for quite a while after that – I was what many Hogwarts students would consider to be a snob. Our family was very wealthy, so I had the newest of everything when I clambered aboard the Hogwarts express. Beautiful wand, expensive robes and brand-new textbooks. A Malfoy wanted for nothing.

I made friends on the train. Friendships that had been dictated by pureblood politics before I had even set foot into a carriage. I recognised names: Mulciber, Rosier, Avery. These were the people that I was meant to befriend.

During the entire trip, all I could think of was the Sorting. What if I wasn't sorted into the right house? Merlin's beard, what if I was put in _Hufflepuff_? I was not an easily agitated person, but the thought of being a disappointment to my family kept me nervous until we were in the Great Hall, and my name was called.

"Malfoy, Selene!"

I licked my dry lips and sat down as the Sorting Hat was placed upon my head. I remember what it said to me that day, although I would not understand until later.

 _You like to think you're just like the others, but you're different, aren't you? There's some backbone in you…_

The Sorting Hat must have heard my desperate pleas to be sorted into Slytherin, because that was where I went. I was proud, my brother was proud, my family was proud. That was all that was meant to matter. In the first few years, I felt secure within my little pureblood network. When I was older, and I started to think for myself, I felt out of place.

All of the friends I'd made on the train were, of course, also sorted into Slytherin. There was only one Sorting that made frown – when Sirius Black was sent to Gryffindor. The Hat took a split second to decide, and I remember the scowl across his face as he'd loped over to sink in among the Gryffindors. The Blacks were a pureblood family. I knew that because Mum and Dad had been talking about a match between Lucius and one of the girls, Narcissa.

But there were darker and more dangerous things than a simple odd sorting to worry about, as I soon discovered.

* * *

I was in my first year of Hogwarts when I saw the mark on my brother's arm that showed him for what he was. It looked odd to me, the serpent coming out of the mouth of a skull, but even at that eleven, I was old enough to guess at what it meant. I would never had admitted that, so I played the naive card.

"Lucius, what is that?" I pressed my fingers lightly to the ink-black tattoo.

He drew away as if my touch stung him. He was six years older than me, my dear brother. A big enough age difference to matter when I was still a child and he was legally an adult. But a child still sees fear, and that was what I saw in his grey eyes when I looked into them.

"It doesn't matter."

"That's the Dark Mark." Our parents spoke of Lord Voldemort with a bizarre sort of fascination. Purebloods had been avid supporters of him for many years, in fact our own father Abraxas had been at Hogwarts at the same time as a young Tom Riddle. But that was a name we must never use.

"What does it matter?" Lucius snapped, tugging his sleeve down to hide it once more. "You're a little girl, what do you know about it?"

"More than you'd think!" I exclaimed, hurt at his rejection. I had always looked up to Lucius, admired him, wanted to be like him. I had been so thrilled when I'd been sorted into Slytherin, just like my big brother.

But at eleven years old, as a child shunned by her freshly-minted Death Eater brother, that was when I started to realise perhaps my adoration had been misplaced.

* * *

My friends, oddly enough, were not all Slytherins. I think it's a common misconception that we tend to stick to our own, but it's not the case. It's really only the Gryffindors we actively avoid, and I'm sure they'd say the same about us. In fact, my two best friends were a Ravenclaw – Marlene McKinnon – and a Hufflepuff – Benjy Fenwick. We were all quite different, but maybe that's what made our friendship work.

Perhaps it was even as young as that when I began to realise I wasn't a typical Slytherin, preferring the company of other houses over my own. I didn't have too many Slytherin friends – the boys especially were insufferable and incredibly immature, so I had very little to do with them. Lucius was the one who pulled me up on my friendship with Marlene and Benjy.

"Are they really the sort of friends you want to have, Selene?"

"Whatever do you mean?" I frowned and rubbed my arms as we stood in the Owlery. It was the middle of winter and I'd never been able to stand the chill. Lucius was finishing off a letter to send home from both of us. "What other sort of friends would I have?"

"Well, Benjy's a half-blood for a start." Lucius signed off the letter, handing it to me so that I could do the same. I did so with probably more savagery than required, shoving the parchment back at Lucius.

"It's not like he's a Mudblood."

"No, but you should focus on establishing connections with people that _matter_ ," Lucius insisted, tying the letter to the leg of one of the school owls. I chewed at my lip, frustrated beyond belief. I had just turned twelve and had very little interest in any sort of _connections_. I just wanted to have friends that I would be able to have fun with.

"I still don't understand."

Lucius offered me an adoring smile, the sort he gave me so rarely these days. As the owl fluttered off to its destination, to our home in Wiltshire, Lucius stepped forward and placed a kiss on my forehead. He drew back and tucked my hair behind my ears. I tugged away from him, embarrassed at being treated like I was a small child.

"Sometimes I forget how young you are. One day you'll see."

* * *

Lucius graduated when I finished my first year. It was always obvious that my brother was going to do spectacular things. One of the most important things that our father had always taught us was the value of connections. Lucius had befriended and socialised with the finest of the pureblood families. Malfoy was not a name to be taken lightly, and so it was only a scarce few weeks after his graduation that my brother was offered a junior position within the Ministry of Magic.

It was all my parents could talk about for ages. I was twelve at the time, and thoroughly irritated at the fact that my brother had stolen the spotlight for such an extended period of time. I became spiteful, and one evening when my parents were congratulating my brother yet again on his position within the Ministry – he had already begun networking, and Dad was giving him important names – I put my knife and fork down and spoke out.

"But what would the Ministry think of a Death Eater working there?" I asked quietly.

The question was innocent enough, and mostly curiosity with only the hint of a threat. Nonetheless, it made anger spark in Lucius's eyes. He pushed himself to his feet, the chair scraping across the wooden floorboards making me wince. He grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me to my feet. I almost stumbled over my own feet, struggling to balance as Lucius's fingers tightened unforgivingly on my small wrists.

"We don't speak about that," Lucius snapped, eyes narrowing. My gaze turned to my parents, but neither of them made a move to help me. I was a twelve-year-old child and he was an eighteen-year-old young man. I felt like I was being bullied. He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard. "Do you understand, Selene? That sort of talk doesn't leave this house."

I knew why. I knew that many were suspicious of the Dark Lord and his intentions, and that Lucius working for him would be met with fear by some. I choked out a sob and nodded. Lucius had never treated me this way before. Instantly, regret glimmered in his eyes. He took a step back and examined his hands as if trying to recall what had possessed him. I fled the dining room, knowing that I couldn't suppress the tears streaming down my cheeks, knowing that when it came to their two children, my parents would always choose Lucius over me.

* * *

I was in my second year when I joined the Quidditch team as a Keeper. It was ultimately a good choice – I had quick reflexes and despite being small, I could move fast between the hoops. Of course, our Quidditch games often meant that we were thrashed by Gryffindor and their insufferable Seeker, James Potter. Potter and his gang of miscreants were renowned throughout the school for their pranks, but I held nothing but contempt for them. They weren't funny. They were simply trying too hard.

But I didn't play Quidditch to win, despite the competitive nature of the game. I played for the thrill of whizzing around at high speed, the wind whipping my hair. I was one of only two girls on the team, the other being a sixth year called Geena Donner.

I always knew that Evan Rosier was my destiny. Oh, his friends – Dominic Avery, Alexander Wilkes and Isaac Mulciber, among others – were alright, but they weren't the brightest. Evan was smart and quick-witted, and he had the most dazzling smile. It was Lucius who had pointed out, in his final year at Hogwarts, that Evan's dazzling smile was quite often directed at me. I was twelve then, so I just pulled a face.

"He would be a wonderful match, Sel," Lucius declared, placing his hands on my shoulders. "He is intelligent, he's a pureblood and he's from a good family."

At twelve, a match was the last thing on my mind – but it was something that remained on the minds of my parents. A girl of my standing could hardly be seen with someone less, of course. I didn't mind Evan, not really. But I didn't swoon over him like a silly girl with a crush. My interest was calculated.

Evan's interest wasn't. By the end of third year, my waif-like body was changing – I got curves, my fair features morphing into something…prettier. I became aware of the fact that boys would eye me with appreciation, that some of them would flush and stammer when they talked to me. I used it to my advantage, just as my mother had taught me too. I caught them off-guard.

It was in our fourth year, at a Halloween bonfire hosted by some seventh-years out near the Quidditch pitch, that Evan kissed me. It was the first time someone had ever done that, and in an eagerness to get more of it, I kissed back. His hands roamed with nervous eagerness, one of them delving down my shirt to fumble awkwardly, while the other rested tightly on my hip. I smiled against his lips and he drew back to look at me.

"Merlin, you're pretty," he said, toying with a strand of my light blonde hair. The bonfire flared behind us, making his hazel eyes burn brightly. His words made a triumphant smile cross my lips. My father Abraxas had always insisted that looks were important. My mother Elinor was constantly correcting my posture, making me stand straight and hold my head up proudly. She assured me that confidence was a weapon.

 _People will be jealous of you, darling. With those looks, your pureblood heritage and our family's wealth…they have every reason to be._

I was confident, confident of my worth. One day I would marry into a pureblood family, and by Lucius's insinuations, most like the Rosier family. I might get a job, but my academic record hardly mattered to my parents. While Lucius was pushed to get good grades, my job was to look the part, act the part, like an actress in one of the Muggle moving pictures. If I accomplished something academically it would be nice, but not particularly noteworthy to my parents or my older sibling.

I tugged away from Evan without a word in reply. I tired quickly of his hands groping at me, of the heated kisses he kept trying to press to my neck. He was a nice boy, there could be no doubting that, but his desperation to touch and taste me was unappealing. Out of the two of us, I had more control, therefore I was the one _in_ control.

* * *

Yet despite being in control with Evan, I was merely the puppet and my parents were the puppeteers. Once they learned of my romantic encounter with him, they were at first thrilled – and then they pushed. Lucius was engaged to Narcissa Black, and even though I was in Hogwarts, it would be prudent to look at my prospects. That was how Dad put it, at least. I wasn't quite sure what exactly they meant. After all, I wasn't quite yet fifteen.

Lucius had a more forthright attitude than my parents. He lived in London now rather than Malfoy Manor, although not with Narcissa yet. He visited on occasion, and on this particular occasion during the Christmas break that he took the opportunity to offer words of wisdom that made me burn with shame and turn bright red at what he was insinuating.

"You have to keep his interest if you're going to marry him, Selene." Lucius sipped at his brandy as he gazed out the window at the gardens. "Do you have any idea how to keep someone's interest?"

"No," I admitted with a shrug. I had caught Evan's interest, but I had never even thought about keeping it.

"It'll take more than just some kissing and petting," Lucius said bluntly. I let my hair fall into my face to hide how red I had gone. "You have to become official. I was in a relationship with Narcissa when I was at Hogwarts. You have to give him something that you can't then give to someone else. Something special."

It took me a few excruciating moments to realise that Lucius meant my virtue. If I was to sleep with Evan, it would mean giving something I couldn't then take back. Why was that something my fellow Slytherin would take seriously? This wasn't the Dark Ages. Sex wasn't required to seal a bond of marriage. It might appeal to a hormonal teenage boy like Evan, but it was something that still made me screw up my nose.

"Oh, don't look like that, Selene. It's perfectly natural."

"I don't care, I don't owe him my body, Lucius." My voice was cold. I wasn't an object, a special trophy that Evan had to win. I was a person, with my own desires. Evan wasn't one of those desires. I might like him, I might know he was what was good for me, but I didn't want him, not in the way Lucius was implying that I should want him.

"This isn't just about you," Lucius snapped, raking a hand through his blonde hair. I noticed that he was keeping it longer than he usually did. It was almost down to his shoulders, and I thought that it ought to be trimmed. Perhaps it was because Narcissa liked it. "Do you think I got engaged to Narcissa, that I was in a relationship with her, because I _love_ her?"

I realised the awful truth then. I wasn't the only one who was a prisoner to tradition. Purebloods married purebloods, and it wasn't because they were head over heels in love, because they cared. These marriages had always been meticulously arranged by parents, and while I had assumed that it was only me this was happening to, it dawned upon me that Lucius was enduring a similar fate.

"Then I'll make things official with Evan." I swallowed the lump in my throat. Evan and his fellow Slytherins could often be cruel, but never towards me. It wasn't my dislike of Evan hindering me. It was the fact that he would never be anything more than a convenience. "But that's it for now."

 _You might control me, but I control him._


	2. Trouble Starts With Us

**Chapter Two: Trouble Starts With Us**

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 **A/N: I was really impressed with the response to last chapter - so here's one from Remus's perspective :D Thanks again to LovelyFandomLover for looking over this :)**

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 ** _"_** ** _Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you." – Yasser Arafat_**

* * *

 _Remus Lupin_

Arriving at Hogwarts, on the first day of your first year, is not something you forget in a hurry. We first-years had chattered among ourselves, forcing laughter to try and disguise the fact that we were very nervous. Most of the Muggle-borns had no idea what awaited them within the walls of Hogwarts. I had a vague idea as a half-blood, having been told lots about Hogwarts by my dad, but nothing had quite prepared me for the beauty of it. A stern-looking woman with her hair pulled back in a severe bun had entered the room where we all waited, and we'd lapsed into silence.

"Good evening. I am Professor McGonagall. Follow me."

The house banners hung proudly over four tables as were escorted into the Great Hall. I didn't care what house I was sorted into – considering my condition, I felt privileged to be allowed at Hogwarts at all. A more ruthless headmaster than Albus Dumbledore would never have permitted it, but my parents had been assured that special arrangements had been made for me. I had never wanted to be different, and the knowledge that I always would be sometimes felt like it was crushing me.

My name was in the middle of the alphabet, so I waited with growing impatience as people around me were Sorted. I was normally not the sort to be agitated, but I just wanted this to be over. I hated the thought of attracting any attention whatsoever. It wasn't that I was painfully shy, I was just used to getting the wrong kind of attention. So my head jerked up when my name was called.

"Lupin, Remus."

Taking a deep breath, I had walked over to the stool and sat down, ignoring my shaking knees. Professor McGonagall had placed the hat lightly on my head, and I almost jumped out of my skin when it started talking to me.

" _Ah, you're a clever boy, aren't you? But there's far more to you than cleverness…you aren't what you think you are. No, not Ravenclaw, I think not…GRYFFINDOR!"_

This last word was shouted aloud, and I heaved a sigh as the hat was removed from my head. I was just heading towards the table when the name after mine was called.

"Malfoy, Selene."

I remember thinking that she looked like a little angel with her light blonde hair, pale complexion and grey eyes. Selene was pretty even then, but then a wicked grin split her face, and I realised that I had been wrong. This girl was not the innocent child I had taken her for. I was not entirely surprised when she was sorted into Slytherin, an almost vicious smile spreading across her features as she skipped over to sit beside an older boy who looked so much like her that they must be siblings.

The feast that followed the sorting was spectacular. My parents weren't exactly wealthy – my second-hand robes and books proved that much – so I didn't think I had ever seen so much food. I ate slowly and carefully, not wanting to ruin my appetite by rushing anything. There was some conversation between the first years, but many of us were silent, not quite ready to start opening up to each other just yet.

Once the feast had concluded, Albus Dumbledore stepped up to speak. I watched him with rapt attention. Even at the age of eleven, I had the utmost respect for the man. It was probably just because of the allowances he had made for me to be able to attend the school, but I admired him nonetheless.

"Good evening, and a special welcome to all our new first years. I trust you have enjoyed the feast. There are only a few notifications this year, but I urge you all to listen carefully. A Whomping Willow has been planted near the Shrieking Shack and I insist that you all stay well away from it. It is of a rather violent species and will not hesitate to attack you should you stray in its path."

I remembered what Dumbledore had told my parents, about me being protected during my transformation at the full moon. What I thought was really the case was that the other students had to be protected from me. Twirling my fork through my unfinished pie, I felt more miserable than ever, condemned to be a danger to everyone around me. Even at the age of eleven years old, I knew that I was a monster.

* * *

I don't think there will ever come a time when I fully understand how James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew gravitated towards me, or how they found out that I was a werewolf – but I was always grateful for both of those things. Sirius and James were social, while Peter was almost as quiet as me, but somehow we all formed a balance.

They often asked where I went during the full moon. I responded with evasive answers, mostly that I was ill. But they were smart, and they realised that there was something a bit wrong with my story. It was only during the bitter winter of our second year, when James Potter slammed a book on the table in front of me, that I understood. They had been paying attention.

"So?" James gestured to the page he had opened to. Werewolves. Of course it was werewolves. Starting to realise that my friends knew more than I wanted them to, I tried my best to remain calm even though my heart was hammering a tattoo against my ribcage. I leaned forward to examine the page with only the barest hint of interest.

"Yeah, I can read. Werewolves. What about them?"

"We think that you're a werewolf." Sirius sat beside me, flopping back and raking a hand through his dark hair. "Conveniently away every full moon, claims to be ill…"

I laughed it off at first, but they persisted. I thought that they would be afraid, or worse – disgusted. But it soon became clear that these boys I'd chosen to befriend actually cared. They were concerned about me. Once I caved and told them my story, about how I spent my full moons alone beneath the Whomping Willow, James nodded slowly and exchanged a look with Sirius. Peter appeared excited. They had been waiting for my response. They already had a plan.

"Lycanthropy can't be cured, you know…"

"Oh, we're very much aware," Sirius drawled, a lazy smile crossing his lips. "That's why we're going to become Animagus."

"Animagi is the plural," I corrected, before I processed what my friend had said. "Wait…what?"

"Think about, it'd be perfect." James was grinning like an idiot. "You're a danger to other people, but not to other animals. We can keep you company, hang around in the Shrieking Shack with you during the full moon…"

"This isn't a game," I snapped. I hadn't thought they were aware of the potential consequences. If I ever hurt any of them, I would never be able to forgive myself. I didn't want to put my best friends in the sort of position that could prove fatal for them. "No. I won't let you…"

"It's not a matter of if you'll let us." James had stopped grinning now, deadly serious. He leaned forward. "We want to, Remus. You can't stop us. We know it's gonna take a while, but it'll be worth it."

That was when I knew that what we had between us was an inseparable bond. We would be friends forever, because we were completely and utterly loyal to one another. My heart swelled in the knowledge that these friends of mine, these young boys, didn't fear me. They didn't want to cure me. They just didn't want me to be alone. I can never explain how much it meant to me, and I knew that if I did, I would teased mercilessly. But it meant the world.

* * *

In our third year, a strange thing called puberty started to happen to us. Sirius and I were the first to shoot up – James and Peter wouldn't until fourth year. Sirius's voice deepened and suddenly girls were giggling and falling all over themselves when he passed by. I couldn't say that I didn't get it – I was beginning to notice girls. I realised that some of them were quite pretty, although I was too shy to talk to them, so I busied myself with my books.

James had decided that he held an undying love for Lily Evans, which Sirius and I always rolled our eyes at. The girl didn't think much of him at all, especially as James – and admittedly, Sirius as well – incessantly bullied her Slytherin friend, Severus Snape. I didn't think much of Snape, but I didn't openly dislike him the way they did. He was a surly git, but sometimes James and Sirius had a habit of taking things too far.

Sirius never really focused on any one girl. He had numerous snogs with numerous girls in various parts of the castle. I didn't know if it went anywhere beyond snogging at that stage, but by the middle of our fourth year, I knew for a fact that it had. Sirius liked to detail his conquests at that point, and James, Peter and I would pointedly remind him that we were all virgins still.

Peter was probably even more scared by girls than I was. They never paid him any attention, not with a friend like Sirius there. He could barely pluck up the courage to talk to any of them, and when he did they tended to laugh. Girls could be mean that way sometimes, which was probably why I never bothered to approach any of them.

Truth be told, there was only one girl that I was ever truly interested in. Without doubt there were some pretty girls in our year at Hogwarts – take Marlene McKinnon, for example. Sirius was constantly trying to set us up. She was a Ravenclaw, quite prim and proper, and very smart. Her eyes were a bright, azure blue and she had small freckles that dotted across her nose. I know that because I did kiss her, just the once at the beginning of fourth year. It was nice, but I don't think either of us expected it would progress any further than that.

Yet it was Selene Malfoy who caught my interest and held it. I knew that liking Selene was a mistake. She was unattainable – beautiful, pureblood, Slytherin. Everything about should have meant that I didn't like her. Yet I knew there was something beneath the shallow exterior, and towards the end of our fourth year at Hogwarts, I was proven right.

It was the Easter holidays. It had been a rough full moon for me, despite the fact that my friends were getting very close to becoming fully accomplished in their Animagi transformations. Peter still struggled quite a bit, but the other two were almost there. Despite the fact that being unregistered Animagi was illegal, it never seemed to bother them. They were underage, so I doubted they would be able to qualify even if they wanted to.

I raked a hand through my hair and slid a block of chocolate out from my pocket. I didn't know why, but chocolate seemed to make everything better. It gave me strength after my painful transformation, and put a bit of colour back into my cheeks. I was just nibbling at a piece when the sound of muffled sobbing emanated from an empty classroom nearby. I paused, slipped the block of chocolate back into my pocket, and peered into the classroom.

Selene Malfoy was sitting on the floor in the corner of the room, crying. Her knees were tugged to her chest and she was using her silver and green scarf to dab at her eyes and wipe at her nose. Normally, Selene was stunning – long light blonde hair, wide grey eyes and a slender body with curves that would make any saint's thoughts turn sinful. But now her pale face was red and blotchy, her eyes swollen from tears. She must have heard me, because her sobbing stopped and she narrowed her eyes.

"Come to mock me, Lupin?" Her voice was sharp and bitter, like the taste of firewhiskey the first time you try it.

"No, I…" I stumbled over my words. "I just…I heard someone crying and wanted to make sure they were alright."

"Well, it's just me." Selene eased herself up off the floor, leaning against the wall and folding her arms over her chest. "So you don't need to bother."

I frowned. "What makes you think I don't care if you're alright?"

"Because you don't know me," Selene said slowly, and my cheeks flared with heat. She was right. Although I had admired Selene from afar and interacted with her on several occasions during classes, I didn't really know a whole lot about her. I knew more about her older brother Lucius, who had graduated only a few years before. Lucius was a nasty piece of work. Selene was only that awful if you got on her bad side.

"Maybe I just don't like seeing people upset." I examined her as she straightened her scarf, trying desperately to make it seem as though she hadn't been crying just moments before. "You know, you can tell me what's wrong. I wouldn't tell anyone."

Selene scoffed, her derisive gaze raking over me. "You? Tell you? Why in the name of Merlin would I do that? Besides, you wouldn't understand."

"You could try explaining," I suggested. Sure, Selene be right and I might not understand. But I wanted to help her if I could. I knew that people didn't like to be open and share their secrets – I hadn't shared mine with my friends, they had found me out. But I wanted to give her the chance to be heard, if she wanted. "Is it to do with Rosier?"

Evan Rosier was Selene's boyfriend of the past few months. He was smarter than most of the Slytherin gang, but that didn't stop him from being a prat. Not to mention that I didn't like the way he looked at Selene. His eyes were always raking appreciatively over her body like there was only one thing on his mind. As much as looking at Selene was definitely what one would consider a pleasant view, I looked at her eyes, not her chest, when I talked to her.

"No," Selene said firmly, before her conviction slipped a little. "Well, not really."

"Not really?" I repeated, frowning. "Has he done something to you? Has he hurt you?"

"No!" Selene exclaimed, before she heaved a deep sigh and closed her eyes momentarily. When she opened them again, she was calmer. "I don't need to explain, Lupin. Everyone has moments when they're not themselves. This was mine. I'd appreciate it if you didn't gossip about it to your silly friends."

"I won't," I assured her. I didn't talk about Selene to the others since James had teased me mercilessly about having a crush, not that he was one to talk. Sirius compared Selene to an ice sculpture – pretty to look at, but cold.

The hint of a smile graced Selene's features, and there was gratitude in her eyes – as well as suspicion of course, but it was there nonetheless.

"Thank you," she murmured.

That was the moment I realised that there was more to Selene Malfoy, and the moment that I knew my crush on her wasn't going away anytime soon. As much as I tried willing myself to like another girl, it was always her my thoughts went back to. I knew my feelings would never be reciprocated, and that eventually, I would move on. But that felt like forever away.


	3. That Damn Badge

**Chapter Three: That Damn Badge**

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 **A/N: Finally, I'm back with more Selene! From here on, the chapters won't be skipping over years of Hogwarts - we're starting with the beginning of fifth year and going from there :) As usual, a thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favourited and followed. Please, let me know what you think of this chapter :)**

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 ** _"_** ** _A friend is a person who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." – Dornacher_**

* * *

 _Selene Malfoy_

The countryside rushed past in a blur of colour. I pressed my fingers to the window. It was cold for this time of year, and I quickly drew them back again. I felt the same way I always did when returning for a new year at Hogwarts: excited and nervous. Especially for this year, my fifth year. Merlin's beard, we were going to be taking our O.W.L.s. I didn't think of myself as stupid, but I didn't know if I was smart enough to get the sort of grades I wanted. It wasn't important to my family what grades I got, but it was to me.

Benjy and Marlene had already helped themselves to the trolley and were comparing chocolate frog cards. I wanted to join in with them, but something was troubling me. I didn't know what it was, I just knew that there was an anxious feeling in my gut. Luckily for me, their laughter was pretty contagious.

"You got Ptolemy!" Benjy exclaimed. "I'll swap you? I've got two Morgana cards already."

"No deal." Marlene clutched the card tightly to her chest, shaking her head vigorously. Both of them were avid collectors of chocolate frog cards. Honestly? I got them for the chocolate, and surrendered my card to whoever let me eat their frog.

" _Please_ just swap him so I don't have to listen to him whinging for the rest of the trip," I begged, immersing myself in their conversation. Marlene and Benjy had a way of making me forget about some of the things that made me anxious. Me being a Slytherin had never bothered either of them.

"The Prefect has given you a command," Marlene declared, making Benjy smirk and me groan. I hadn't heard the end of it ever since I had been issued that damn badge. "Speaking of which – aren't you meant to be on patrol with the others?"

"Vance and O'Reilly said we're meeting at one o'clock." I pointedly indicated my watch, which would have started telling me off for lapsing in my duties if I had been running late. "I've got half an hour to kill."

I was also avoiding my fellow Slytherin Prefect and boyfriend, Evan Rosier, although I wouldn't have admitted that to my friends. They disliked Evan enough as it was without me giving them another reason too. Marlene said that he was possessive, needy and far too pushy. Benjy said he just didn't like his hair. I didn't exactly know how true that was, but it was the only explanation I'd been given. Marlene tossed me her chocolate frog, which I happily snapped up, and exchanged cards with Benjy.

"Malfoy." The door to the compartment slammed open, and I just about jumped out of my skin when I realised that Emmeline Vance was glaring across at me. She was only two years older than me, but Hogwarts' current Head Girl was still scary sometimes. I'd only just become a Prefect, so how Vance knew exactly who I was and where I would be was a little beyond me.

I pressed a hand over my heart to indicate my stress levels. "Whoa. Vance. Are you trying to kill me before I even start my patrol?"

"Very funny." Vance's eyes narrowed slightly. "You're half an hour late to the meeting, so I told Lachlan to talk to the others while I came and found you."

"What do you mean?" I glanced down at my clock. It definitely was only just past twelve-thirty. "I was told that the meeting was at one."

"It started at twelve," Vance responded, talking slowly as if to a small child.

" _Shit_." I raked my hands through my hair, cursing Evan and reminding myself not to trust the moron again. After all, how many times had he been late to things? He was most definitely getting a roasting when I next talked to him in private – but unfortunately a Prefect meeting wasn't the place or the time. I scrambled to my feet, glancing over my shoulder at Benjy and Marlene as I followed Vance out. "I'll see you guys later, okay?"

I didn't get time to hear their responses as I closed the compartment door and followed Vance, silently fuming. Trust my idiot boyfriend to make me look bad for my very first Prefect meeting. Most likely it was just an honest mistake, but it was one that I was pissed about nonetheless. Vance and O'Reilly probably thought that I was slacking off. When I strode into the compartment, Evan gave me a questioning look. I responded by narrowing my eyes and drawing a finger across my throat.

As Vance started prattling on about our duties like patrolling the corridors, things we already knew – O'Reilly remained silent, making me think Vance was definitely the one in charge – Evan crossed to stand beside me, tracing my arm lightly. I scowled and pointedly stepped away from him, but he didn't seem to get the message.

"Come on, babe. What's wrong?"

"You told me one o'clock," I hissed at him.

Evan frowned. "Oh."

 _Oh_ wasn't really the reaction I had been hoping for. An apology, perhaps. I knew Evan, though. He didn't apologise with words. Later on, in the privacy of the dormitory, he'd kiss me and try and slip a hand up my shirt or down my skirt. I'd shove him away like I always did, because to me sexual activity wasn't a way of saying you were sorry, but rather Evan's way of trying to make me forget that I was angry at him.

I remembered when Remus Lupin had caught me crying after I'd had a fight with Evan, at the end of last year. Nothing had even really happened, it had been a silly thing about the fact that Evan wanted to take our relationship further physically, and I hadn't. I had reminded him, as I still did now, that we were only fifteen years old. We didn't need to rush into silly things like sex just yet.

Remus had been so…sympathetic. I couldn't tolerate his friends, Potter and Black, and for the most part Pettigrew didn't even really exist. Remus was the only one I referred to by his first name instead of his surname. But how was I meant to explain to him what it meant to be a pureblood girl with a Death Eater brother, whose relationship felt like shackles because she knew she would have to marry him in a few years to keep her family happy, to not be cast out? I couldn't have, and so I hadn't.

"Do you want to get some food and come back to our compartment after we finish our patrol?" Evan offered as we headed out of the compartment. Vance's speech complete, we Prefects now had to check the compartments and make sure that people weren't doing anything they shouldn't be, or messing about. I remembered just at the end of last year when O'Reilly had caught Evan and I kissing heatedly, in what Evan had probably hoped would lead to more.

"I don't think so," I replied coolly, tying my blonde hair back in a practical ponytail. I had to admit that I was hoping for some bratty second-years to reprimand so that I wasn't stuck in conversation with Evan for the entirety of our patrol.

"Why not?" Evan was beginning to whinge now, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "Hey, I said I was sorry about getting the wrong time…"

"No you didn't." I spun around to face him. He stepped back almost warily and I planted my hands on my hips. "You never said you were sorry."

"Well, I'm sorry then." Evan sighed heavily, and I could tell that he was beginning to get frustrated. I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax. Not even ten minutes in my boyfriend's company and I was beginning to get irritated. I had to calm down or else I'd probably want to hex him.

Pleased that he had apologised, I turned back to the corridor – and almost smacked into someone as they come out of one of the compartments. I staggered back, before realising that it was Remus Lupin who I'd nearly collided with. The poor boy turned bright red and flushed, which probably would have been cute if not for the fact that Remus was now over six feet tall – he'd clearly had a growth spurt over the summer holidays.

"Apologise to my girlfriend, Lupin," Evan snapped, which I thought was ironic since it had taken him a fair while to apologise to me himself.

"I'm sorry." Remus's eyes were firmly on me, not flicking to Evan once even though he was the one who'd spoken. "Are you okay?"

I laughed wryly. "I've had worse than being bumped into. I think I'll survive. How are your rounds going?"

Evan hated it when I stopped to chat with Remus. I didn't really understand why, but I did get that it annoyed him and so I liked doing it. Remus wasn't what I would consider a friend like Benjy and Marlene, but we'd been talking a bit more since the end of fourth year. Acquaintances, that's probably what I would call us. He was a bit of a shy boy, which I pointed out when Evan sneered that he probably fancied me.

"They're going alright."

"You should probably get back to them," Evan said curtly. Remus darted him a quick glance, jaw clenching slightly. He glanced back at me, and I offered him an apologetic smile, before he headed down the corridor. I glared over my shoulder at Evan.

"That was bloody rude."

"Since when do you care about Lupin?" Evan loomed over me. Usually, I was the more outspoken one in our relationship, but when it concerned other guys, I could see what Marlene meant – Evan was ridiculously possessive. "What, suddenly he shot up over the summer and you think he's good-looking?"

"You're absurd," I said, but I didn't deny it. Evan knew as well as me what our relationship was. It had been founded upon an attraction, mainly on his part, but the fact that it continued was because that was what our parents wanted. Neither of us wanted to be disowned for marrying someone who didn't gain our parents' approval.

"Look all you want." Evan smirked, tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind my ear. "But don't forget that you're mine, Selene."

* * *

We Slytherins have a tradition for coming back to Hogwarts. On the first night, after the Sorting and the Feast when we're supposed to be in bed in our dormitories, we sneak out down to the Great Lake, open a dozen or so butterbeers and talk about our summer holidays. It's not all of the Slytherins – some aren't game enough to risk being caught by the teachers and earning themselves a detention before classes even start. But I had been doing it since third year. It had become known as the Slytherin Symposium.

"I don't understand why you haven't shagged him." Lorna Flint, probably my closest female friend in Slytherin, leaned back on one elbow and took another sip of her butterbeer. A few of the sixth-years were huddled in a group together, around what I suspected to be firewhiskey. Although there wasn't meant to be alcohol, someone always ended up bringing some.

"Can you not?" I pulled a face at the mention of sex with Evan. Of course, Lorna was a very open girl. She'd shagged Alexander Wilkes at the end of last year, and had no problem telling me or anyone else that. I didn't consider myself a prude, but I just didn't much like discussing it. Maybe it was because it was my sex life _with Evan_.

"Well, he's your boyfriend," Lorna pointed out sagely. "I know you go on about how you _have_ to be in a relationship with him, but really, if you wanted you could mess around with someone other than him, and then get back together when you're intending to get married."

I knew that a lot of pureblood girls were in semi-arranged marriages. Lorna probably would be eventually. But now that I'd found someone my parents deemed a good match, I didn't know if they'd approve of me seeing others. I firmly pushed the thought aside, reminding myself not for the first time that I needed to stop caring so much what my family thought of me.

"I suppose."

"Selene!" Evan called, beckoning me over. His voice was slightly slurred, and it seemed some of the fifth-years hadn't been exempt from drinking firewhiskey. Sighing, I hauled myself up off the grass, ignoring Lorna's meaningful smirk. I crossed over to my boyfriend, who tugged me down amidst the reeds surrounding the Great Lake.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I just want to spend time with you." Evan frowned. "Is that really so bad? When was it that you decided you couldn't stand me?"

I heaved a sigh. So he was playing the wounded card. He did this from time to time. It had worked at the start, and I'd felt guilty about the fact that I wasn't paying him much attention. Now I tried to shrug off such comments. Evan and I both knew that our relationship was more of an understanding. I'd never cared if he wanted to snog other girls, but since we'd started dating, he'd been quite monogamous.

 _You don't love me,_ I wanted to tell him, although I would never expect him to. _You'll probably never love me. We'll get engaged, and then married, and then you'll get a job in the Ministry and I'll stay at home with our lovely pureblood children._

Because that was what was just about to happen with my brother Lucius. It's what happened to my parents. Lots of pureblood marriages weren't based on emotion, but on ambition, on mutual agreement. Lucius hadn't started dating Narcissa until later on. He had been the smart one, I thought. Yet I couldn't understand why such things mattered to me. I was fifteen. Why did I care if what Evan felt was responsibility, or lust, or something more?

"It was just…the holidays stretched on," I responded lamely. The holidays hadn't been awful. It had been both good and bad to see Lucius. I was pleased to spend time with my older brother, but also reminded of the fact that he was a Death Eater, a supporter of the ever-rising Lord Voldemort.

"I can imagine," Evan grinned. "I wasn't there."

He kissed me. Evan wasn't a bad kisser. In fact, he was a very good kisser, from what limited experience I had with it. Around us, crickets were chirping softly, the water of the Great Lake lapped gently against the shore, and the laughter of our companions could be heard nearby. I pressed closer to Evan, and he wound his fingers through my blonde hair. Trying to get comfortable amongst the reeds, I slipped into his lap. Evan adjusted me so I was straddling him, tugging me close against his chest.

His lips left mine to trail down my neck. I had to admit that the butterfly kisses he pressed to my neck felt good too. He swept my hair aside gently, and I tilted my head back and found myself staring up at the night sky as he worked his way down my neck, slowly but surely. The stars were so much brighter at Hogwarts than in the city. I gasped as Evan sucked lightly at my shoulder, probably intending to leave a hickey. He had always liked leaving marks, probably because he thought they proved ownership. I just thought they proved he was a horny teenage boy.

Evan reached forward to undo the top few buttons of my shirt. I didn't mind that really. He'd seen me in my bra before, so it didn't embarrass me. But then hand slipped up my skirt, the material brushing against my thigh as he hiked it up. Suddenly, I could smell the alcohol on his breath and I frowned, tugging away from him, fixing my shirt and straightening out my skirt.

"Babe," Evan protested.

"You're drunk." I made no attempt to honey my words. I wasn't going to be pawed at just because it was the Slytherin Symposium. I was quickly losing what little patience I'd had with Evan. Maybe all I needed was a good sleep, and I'd feel more positive about him in the morning. I turned and headed back towards the castle without a backwards glance, knowing that he would probably berate me tomorrow for ditching him.

"Didn't get lucky?" Lorna fell into step beside me as we abandoned the Symposium, which at this hour mostly consisted of the drunk.

"In the reeds? No way."

"Evan will be disappointed." I could hear the amusement in her voice. "He's been going on to the others about how much he wants to shag you."

"Well, he can keep waiting." I glanced down at the shiny badge still attached to my uniform. I was a Prefect, Evan too. We were both supposed to be model students to the other Slytherins in our year group. I almost scoffed aloud at the thought of it. Evan was good to me, but I had seen that he could be a bully to others, including Remus. I had little tolerance for bullying, perhaps one of the reasons I'd been made a Prefect – reasons I could probably count on one hand.

Once I reached the dormitory, I collapsed on my bed, sighing blissfully. I was happy to be back at Hogwarts, which felt more like my home than Malfoy Manor. Tomorrow I could try and sort things out with Evan and hope it wouldn't result in another argument. Beside, we had bigger concerns. O.W.L.s shouldn't have been a concern for me, a pureblood girl who was only supposed to be destined for a good marriage. But I was slowly but surely putting together pieces of a puzzle, and coming up with a plan. Step one involved getting good grades.

Unfortunately.


	4. Keeping Pace

**Chapter Four: Keeping Pace**

* * *

 **A/N: Hello, everyone! I know it's been a few months, but I finally have another update for you, as we get into the swing of things :)**

 **To the guest reviewer Temerity: yes, I write a lot of fanfics, I am aware of that. I try and update them as frequently as I can. But while I am grateful to my lovely readers, I don't owe anyone an update. So to be told I am letting readers down and taking too much time to update? I'm sorry, no. I am not paid to write fanfiction, so you can deal with the fact that it might sometimes take months for me to update a story. I will write what I want when I want, as I am perfectly entitled to.**

 **To my other reviewers: thank you so much for your lovely comments, and I hope that while it's slightly shorter than usual, this chapter won't disappoint :) Next chapter will feature one of Slughorn's parties, and more Remus/Selene interaction :D**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _Well behaved women rarely make history." – Marilyn Monroe_**

* * *

 _Selene Malfoy_

Classes weren't as thrilling as I thought they were going to be, but I should have expected as much. On our first day back, the professors were insistent on giving us all lectures about our O.W.L.s – which weren't for another few months at least, but which we would all need to be prepared for. They would be difficult and require study. I had to refrain from rolling my eyes as I listened to the same spiel in every class, before mercifully heading to lunch with my friends and sprawling dramatically at the table.

"That was the worst first day back ever."

"Ah, but it's only just begun, Malfoy." Alexander Wilkes cackled, ruffling my hair and sliding onto the bench. I glared at him, fixing my hair. Alex was one of Evan's best friends, and so I tolerated him, but he and I would never be close. He was very crude about girls, not to mention extremely immature.

I already knew enough about O.W.L.s as I remembered Lucius doing them. Whenever he'd come home for holidays, he'd be stressed and shut himself up in his room to study. It was something I wasn't looking forward to, but if I wanted to be taking seriously and seen as more than just Evan Rosier's future trophy wife, I needed to take the O.W.L.s seriously. That meant working hard for my grades.

"Quidditch tryouts will be soon," Evan reminded me, obviously trying to improve my foul mood. "I wonder who the captain is this year."

"Heard it was O'Reilly," Alex remarked.

I considered that. At least O'Reilly was laidback, unlike Vance – although being a Ravenclaw, I wondered if she was just meant to be uptight. O'Reilly was a brutal yet efficient Beater, and he'd been on the team for years. I had played Keeper last year, but if I wanted to maintain her position on the Slytherin Quidditch team, I would have to impress O'Reilly. Which definitely wasn't going to be easy, but again, I was determined to work hard for the things I wanted this year.

"I'm hoping Professor Slughorn throws one of his parties again," Isaac Mulciber drawled. He was sitting beside Lorna, and their closeness and gestures made me assume that he was going to be her next conquest. "Hopefully that filthy Mudblood Evans isn't there again."

I tried to remember who Evans who, before realising that he meant Lily Evans of Gryffindor. There was no mistaking her, both because of her auburn hair and the fact that she was one of the best Potions students in our year. I say one of the best because I did, at times, rival her. I didn't hate her, but she certainly was annoying and thought she knew everything about Potions. Which was why I often became smug when I pointed out something she hadn't thought of or didn't know.

"You're just jealous because you're awful at Potions," I replied disinterestedly, because in truth he annoyed me more than Lily Evans. I knew that my foul mood was also to do with the day's boring events and not just the fact that Wilkes…well, existed. Nonetheless, he was the one who bore the brunt of my bad temper.

"Don't forget that we have patrol later," Evan reminded me. Oh yes, my boyfriend certainly knew how to improve my mood. I threw him a withering look to tell him that I certainly hadn't forgotten. The only thing that would make my patrol worthwhile would be if I actually managed to tell off some younger students.

"As if I could forget. I'm still hearing it from Vance about the train."

That caused Evan to lapse into a somewhat awkward silence. Satisfied, I turned back to my lunch – only to notice that Lorna and Mulciber were snogging across the other side of the table. Wrinkling my nose at their behaviour, I started pelting them with small blocks of cheddar cheese from my plate. Lorna yelped and drew away, glaring at me for interrupting their moment.

"Public displays of affection should be _private_ displays of affection," I informed her. I honestly didn't want to know what a private display of affection looked like. Mulciber looked just as irritated, but was wise enough to say nothing of the matter. He might like to challenge me, but I was the Prefect of the two of us.

"You're really ruining everyone's fun today, aren't you, Selene?" Lorna scowled, picking at her food.

Was I? Probably. My stomach was churning and I couldn't seem to be able to eat anything. Most likely it was the thought of the exhausting exams and tests I was going to endure throughout the year, and worrying that I didn't have what it took to achieve what I wanted. Evan slid closer to me, noticing that I wasn't eating. I didn't look at him, because I didn't need his concern.

"You okay? Is this about last night?"

 _Merlin's beard, not everything is about you._ "No."

"Why are you so averse to me touching you? Is it that bad?"

"We're not having this conversation now." I shot him a piercing look. "You were drunk and wanted to do more than just touch."

"You don't." It was a statement, not a question. Evan was very much aware that I had no intention of having sex with him. Maybe when we were a bit older, but part of me wondered when it would ever be a good time. I'd convinced myself that I wanted to focus on my studies and not my relationship with Evan, but I was starting to think that was an excuse to avoid thinking about my future with him.

"No, I don't." I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder. Sometimes, every little thing about Evan annoyed me, and right now was one of those times. Excusing myself, I stormed out of the Great Hall, hoping that I could manage to avoid Evan in my classes this afternoon before our patrol later.

"Selene?" A familiar male voice made me pause, and I realised that Remus was looking at me, a slightly worried expression on her face. Why was everyone so concerned about me, when all I wanted was to be left alone? Yet Remus was just such a genuinely good guy that I couldn't bear to snap at him. It would've been like kicking a puppy.

"Just stressed out about this year already, I guess." I forced a smile.

Remus nodded, but I could tell he didn't believe me. He hadn't believed me since he'd found me crying that time. Ever since, it was like he could tell when I was lying, and it was pretty disconcerting. I liked being able to say whatever I wanted, brush a situation off like dust off a dress. But Remus didn't fall for any of that, he persisted, and it was both endearing and immensely frustrating. He wanted to say something – but he didn't, and so I continued to my dorm feeling utterly relieved.

* * *

"I am deceased," I declared as I let my books drop to the table that Benjy and Marlene were sitting at in the library. Benjy almost jumped out of his skin at the heavy thud, but Marlene just leaned back in her chair. Her textbooks were already open in front of her, and she was probably already starting on her homework. I shook my head and refrained from making a 'typical Ravenclaw' comment as I sat down.

"You look very alive to me," Benjy commented.

"Shut it." I pulled out my Potions book and opened it to the reading we were meant to be doing for our next class. Studying with Marlene and Benjy was always much more productive than studying with my fellow Slytherins – Lorna generally tended to end up doing her nails or hair or complaining about boys, and Evan…well, he always took study session to mean make-out session.

Marlene was a good influence when it came to study – she colour coordinated her notes, she did her homework the night she got it, not the night before it was due. Although she was very serious when it came to study, that was why having Benjy there was a good thing. When study sessions got too long and we got tense and irritable, Benjy was there to crack a joke or make a fool of himself for our entertainment. He was the opposite of Marlene, often in a last-minute panic to get homework done, so I knew between the two of them, I'd have someone I could study with.

"We have a mountain of homework already," Benjy complained as he attempted to look over Marlene's shoulder. The brunette glanced at him and frowned tersely, angling her book so that he couldn't see and making him scowl. "Come on, Marls."

"You're not going to get anywhere if you don't start doing your own homework," she chastised.

My eyes scanned the textbook, but the words seemed to blur into nothing. In truth, I was just holding out for the Quidditch tryouts – maybe the only spark of hope in my immediate future. I felt a bit mean in hoping that Evan wasn't going to make the team, just so that I could have something to myself for once. I checked the time and cursed quietly, realising that I was meant to be starting patrol with Evan in half an hour.

"I have to go. I've got patrol." I pulled a face, getting to my face. Benjy and Marlene both looked sympathetic. Benjy had once questioned my relationship with Evan – _why are you dating him if you dislike him so much?_ – but Marlene, for the most part, kept her opinion to herself…although she did call me out on his possessiveness.

"Enjoy," Benjy cackled, making me flip him the middle finger as I gathered up my books and headed out. Was I crazy if I was beginning to think that studying would be infinitely more interesting and enjoyable than spending a few hours patrolling corridors with my boyfriend?

* * *

The next few days passed in a blur – mainly because, I think, I was so excited for the upcoming Quidditch tryouts. Along with a gaggle of other Slytherin hopefuls, I gathered on the pitch to wait for my turn at trying out. I had my Nimbus 1020 – the latest model, of course – tucked under my arm. I glanced around the small crowd to see who else was trying for my position. Lorna Flint, of course. She wouldn't get it, too sure of herself, not fast enough on a broom. She'd tried out for Chaser last year.

"Oi, Malfoy, you're up."

O'Reilly's voice drew me out of my thoughts. Stepping forward, I slipped a leg over my broom and soared off to the goalposts. The younger Slytherins were whispering amongst themselves. They were hoping that I would mess up so they'd get a chance. I refrained from smirking, telling myself that I couldn't afford to get cocky, especially with the previous year's Chasers lined up: Mulciber, Avery and, of course, Evan. Taking a deep breath and focusing, I watched as the trio streaked down the pitch towards me, tossing the Quaffle between them.

Avery tossed the Quaffle to Evan, who lobbed it half-heartedly at the goals. It was an easy catch, one I didn't even have to think too hard about. I found myself furious at him as the Quaffle fit snugly in my hands. Didn't he think I had what it took to make the team without a bit of help? I wasn't here to be pandered to, so I tossed the Quaffle right back at him, a little harder than I'd intended.

"Play it again," I yelled, making sure O'Reilly could hear what was going on. "That was a pathetic shot, you didn't even try."

Evan glared at me as I tossed the Quaffle back, before casting his gaze downwards at O'Reilly to see what the captain's verdict was.

"Play it again," O'Reilly agreed.

The trio of Chasers looked extremely unimpressed as they headed back down to the other end of the pitch to start again. I licked my lips and readied myself – well, as much as anyone can prepare for a Quaffle hurtling towards you. This time, the Quaffle was passed to Mulciber, who I knew would take any opportunity to try and show me up. He bared his teeth and hurled the Quaffle with all his strength, but I managed to bat it away from the goals.

After the first shot, the boys were determined to wing the Quaffle past me, but out of a mixture of luck and skill, I managed to block all five shots from going through the goals. I was smug as I descended to the pitch, trying not to grin as my feet touched the grass and I hopped off my broom. O'Reilly was silent, arms folded over his chest, but I took that to be good news rather than bad.

I went to sit in the stands with Lorna as the rest of the Keeper hopefuls tried out. Lorna had missed two out of the five shots, and I could tell that she was sulking, but in true Lorna fashion, she was too busy ogling some of the boys to say anything about it. We sat in a peaceful silence as we watched the rest of the tryouts. I didn't even realise I was nervous until I noticed I was jiggling my foot. As the last hopeful landed on the grass, my gaze turned to O'Reilly, who was still standing there with his arms folded.

"Malfoy." My stomach lurched as he turned to look up at the stands. "You saved five out of five. You're our Keeper."

My knees felt weak as a relieved smile broke out across my face. I didn't want to look at Lorna, because I didn't want her to think that I was gloating. Picking up my broom and slinging it over my shoulder, I made my way back down from the stands. Once I reached the bottom, Evan marched over to me. By the stern set of his face, he still wasn't happy about me calling a replay.

"I guess you technically saved six out of five, huh."

Irritation pricked through me. "Only because you made a lousy shot, of course I managed to save it."

"Yeah, well, congratulations." He didn't exactly sound very supportive – but that was hypocritical, considering the fact that I'd been hoping he didn't make the team. Without another word, Evan turned and strode off to join the queue of Chaser hopefuls. There were a lot more of them than there had been Keepers.

I sighed and raked a hand through my hair, before I headed back towards the castle. Evan could be in a sour mood if he wanted, but I wasn't about to stick around and watch him try out, even if I'd hear about it later. I'd managed to accomplish one of my goals: retain my position as Slytherin Keeper. One down, and what felt like a million more to go. But I would be taken seriously. I was more than just a future trophy wife, and I intended to prove that Selene Malfoy could join the Ministry if she so desired.


	5. Malfoy Merit

**Chapter Five: Malfoy Merit**

* * *

 **Another update! Selene is starting to slowly pull away from her traditional pureblood roots, but it's definitely a process. You can expect to see more Remus/Selene in future, as well as more of her interactions with the other Marauders. Also - who wants to see another Remus POV? ;)**

 **Please let me know what you thought of this chapter :D**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _I am not an adventurer by choice but by fate." – Vincent van Gogh_**

* * *

The first Slug Club party was a little over a month into the term. By that stage, I'd adjusted to the heavy workload without complaint. My study sessions with Marlene and Benji were more frequent – something Evan didn't approve of. However neither of them were much good at Defence Against the Dark Arts, a subject that I was struggling in. Evan was no help, as he was much more fascinated by the Dark Arts themselves. Although right now, the only thing Evan was interested in doing was sulking as he watched me get ready for the Slug Club party.

"You're really not going to bring me along?" He raked a hand through his hair, and I could see the frustration on his face even in the mirror. "Merlin's beard, Selene. Don't you think that's a bit unfair? You know lots of our friends are going to be there."

"I just want to do something without you for once," I replied coolly. I was in no mood to deal with him acting like a spoilt brat about the fact that I wanted to attend this particular party alone. I'd brought him to a few in the past, and he'd been a complete nuisance, even putting firewhiskey in our drinks at the Christmas party last year.

"You do plenty of things without me." Evan folded his arms over his chest. Seeing that I wasn't about to budge, he strode over and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind, trailing his lips down my neck. "Come on, babe. It'll be fun."

"Evan, stop." I squirmed and shoved his arms off me, spinning around to face him. All playfulness was gone as he saw the angry expression on my face. Did he really think that being affectionate was going to change anything? "I don't want to bring you, okay? I just want to go myself, why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"My friends are right about you," Evan muttered under his breath. I wasn't sure if the words were meant for my ears, but I definitely heard them. I stiffened, wondering exactly what he meant by that. Evan realised his mistake, but it was far too late. If he hadn't meant it, he wouldn't have said it.

"What did your friends say?" I asked, planting my hands on my hips. When Evan remained silent, I clicked my fingers in front of his face. "Well?"

Evan's gaze met mine, his eyes resolute. "That you're selfish. That you're frigid. Maybe they're right."

My hand cracked across his face, hard enough to make Evan stumble. It took me a moment to realise what I'd done as I watched my boyfriend rub at his cheek. The shock in his eyes faded quickly, replaced by a rage I'd never seen there. I knew what I had done was wrong, but somehow, I couldn't say anything. Evan grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me hard against the mirror.

"I've put up with you ignoring me and talking down to me, but hitting me? You've gone too far, Selene."

I pushed at him, suddenly scared of this new side of Evan. I knew that I was the one who had brought this side of him out, and I was terrified that I could have caused something so ugly through my own violence. Evan's fingers tightened, making me wince, before he stepped back like the touch of my skin repulsed him. It was something worse than anger in his eyes now. It was contempt.

"Go to the party by yourself then. But while you're there, you better learn how to treat me with more respect."

He stalked out of the room without a backwards glance. It was only once he'd gone that I sat down heavily. I knew that hitting him had been wrong and I shouldn't have done it, but I'd never expected such disdain from him. If I didn't go to the party, Evan would win. It felt like such a stupid thing to think. Win what, exactly? But I had to show him that I would do what I wanted, with or without his permission.

* * *

I tried my best to enjoy the party. To smile and enjoy myself. But the incident with Evan had cast a dark cloud over my night, dampening the fun that I was meant to be having. Apparently I must have seemed out of it, because Regulus Black came wandering over to me with a concerned expression on his face. He was the year below me, the younger brother of Sirius and a fellow Slytherin. We talked on occasion, but I wouldn't have called us the best of friends.

"Malfoy, you look like you've swallowed a very disagreeable flavour of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. What's up?"

"Charming as ever," I drawled, although in truth Regulus wasn't what I would call awful company. "I'm finding this party a bit dull, that's all."

We both knew that I was lying, but Regulus didn't make any further comment, and I was grateful for that. I had no desire to discuss Evan with someone I wasn't really close to. I'd have to open up eventually, or it would destroy me. But Regulus wasn't the right person. The only thing he could do was take my mind off Evan's behaviour – behaviour that I had unintentionally caused. This time, the blame wasn't just on my boyfriend.

"What would liven it up?" Regulus inquired.

Although I'd thought on Evan's behaviour in bringing alcohol to events with disdain earlier, now the idea seemed extremely appealing. I wanted something to take the edge off, something to make me forget that I was trapped in a life I didn't want, and that although I was trying to work my way out of it, I might never be able to. I linked my arm through Regulus's and offered him my most charming smile.

"Would you happen to have any firewhiskey, Black?"

"You want alcohol?" Regulus raised his eyebrows, and I could hear the hesitation in his voice. He was fourteen, but I knew even the fourth-years sometimes passed firewhiskey around when they were feeling daring. Some of them even snuck it into their trunks after the Slytherin Symposium. His eyes darted around the party and I couldn't help but let my shoulders slump.

"I'm not really having a great time," I admitted, "Evan and I…we're fighting."

Regulus raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. For a moment I hesitated, but then everything came pouring out of me before I could stop myself. Things that I didn't feel I could disclose to other Slytherins, who would just tell me that's how the pureblood world worked, or my half-blood and Muggle-born friends, who wouldn't understand it in the slightest. It wasn't like it was uncommon for pureblood women to have proper jobs, but there was a pressure to settle down and keep bloodlines pure by producing at least one child.

"I don't want him. I don't think I ever have. He would be alright as a friend, but as a boyfriend…I'm feeling like I can tolerate him less. He said that his friends are calling me frigid because I won't…"

"Ah." Regulus's lips twisted into a wry smile. "That pressure is probably because a few of them are doing it. But trust me, you're only fifteen. There is no way you need to start shagging him, no matter how long you've been in a relationship. It shouldn't be expected. He doesn't have any right to call you that."

My shoulders slumped with relief, and I felt gratitude that someone else in our house was on my side. Regulus was a bit of a strange kid at times, and didn't seem to have too many friends even among his fellow Slytherins.

"I did something awful though. I hit him."

Regulus nodded slowly. "Yeah, hitting him does sound a bit extreme. What did he do after that?"

"He…" I glanced at my biceps where Evan had grabbed me so tightly, not having even realised that there were marks in the shape of his fingers there. Regulus noticed the direction of my gaze and frowned.

"So he was violent in return. You were both in the wrong, but Selene, he's a lot bigger than you. He shouldn't be shoving you around."

"It was my fault," I insisted. I knew that violence was wrong, but I had been the one who started it. "I was violent first."

"And he was violent last," Regulus pointed out. "He had to have the final say. He had to prove that he was dominant over you. His reaction was just as bad. If he really was a great guy, he would've walked away."

I raked my hair back. I didn't want to seem like I was placing on Evan for everything in our relationship. I knew he was right about some of the things he'd said, and that was why I hadn't liked it. But this was what was expected of us. If I didn't go through with it, I'd shame my family. Yet…deep down, that was what part of me wanted. To show them I could succeed at something on my own, and that being a privileged pureblood wasn't the be all and end all of my world.

"Still want that firewhiskey?" Regulus asked with a mischievous glint in his grey eyes.

I nodded fervently, relieved. "Yes please!"

Grinning, he led me out into the corridor, away from the chatter of the Slug Club party. Glancing around to make sure no one else was around, he extricated a small bottle from his pocket, causing my eyes to widen. Being in possession of firewhiskey was one thing, but actually being so bold as to carry it around with him? I nudged him in the side.

" _Regulus_."

Knocking back a sip, he offered me the bottle. "Selene."

Taking a deep breath, I raised the bottle to my lips and took a swig. It burned like fire as it trickled down my throat, hence the name for the vile stuff. I handed Regulus the bottle back as I heard quick footsteps headed our way, and he quickly fumbled to put it back in his pocket. Not fast enough – Lily Evans had stepped into the corridor, eyes narrowing at the sight of the pair of us leaning against the wall.

"What was that you just put in your pocket?" she demanded of Regulus.

"Really, I don't think it's any of your concern." I stepped forward, lifting my chin. I wasn't overly fond of Lily and how nosy she was. Yes, she was a Prefect, but so was I. "Shouldn't you go back inside and enjoy Professor Slughorn's party?"

It suddenly struck me that only a few of the others in attendance would even talk to Lily, and I regretted my snide question as she bit her lip. Most of Slughorn's favourites were Slytherins, purebloods. Lily was unusual in that she was a Muggle-born. I couldn't pretend I hadn't noticed the way others had been sneering in her direction. Forgetting her moment of hesitation, Lily turned to Regulus again, holding out her hand.

"Show me, please."

"Oh, it's firewhiskey." I rolled my eyes, feeling that this was really a more dramatic situation than it needed to be. Lily's attention turned back on me, her face registering first surprise and then disdain. "It's just a little bit of alcohol."

"Alcohol," Lily repeated, pursing her lips. "Do you think that's appropriate behaviour for a Prefect, Selene?"

"No, but I think it's _fun_ behaviour." I offered her a grin. "Maybe you should try lightening up sometime. I promise it doesn't hurt."

Lily glared, but said nothing else. Catching Regulus's sleeve, I tugged him back inside towards the Slug Club party. The music and the taste of firewhiskey were beginning to blend together into something beautiful, and the only thing I really wanted to do was dance.

* * *

Remus looked astonished when I sat beside him in Potions, in the seat that was normally filled by one of his friends. But it looked like Sirius was either running late or sick, because the seat was empty, and Peter and James were sitting behind Remus. Since I still wasn't talking to Evan, I decided to sit somewhere he wouldn't try and bother me. As soon as I sat down, Remus's eyes widened, and flicked behind him to his other two friends, clearly unsure what to make of this.

"Uh, Selene…that's kind of where Sirius was going to sit…"

"Oh, so he isn't skiving?" I raised my eyebrows pointedly, although it made sense. Usually if Sirius was off, James was too. The two were practically glued together they were that close. When Remus still looked like he wanted to protest, I narrowed my eyes. "Look, there are people from my own house I'd rather not talk to. So you can move over and sit with them if you want, and Sirius can sit here. But I'm not moving."

"Yeah, cheers Malfoy," Sirius muttered as he passed by to sink into a seat across from his friends.

Remus and I remained quiet while Slughorn entered and started off the class, telling us that we would be attempting to make a Draught of Peace. I allowed a smug smile to play about my lips as I flipped open my book to the appropriate page. It would help Remus that I was good at Potions, especially since he now had no choice but to pair up with me for the day. Unfortunately, he saw this an opportunity for interrogation.

"Is it Rosier that you're mad at?"

"We're going to need powdered moonstone, syrup of hellebore, powdered porcupine quills and powdered unicorn horn," I declared, reading the ingredients off the page and avoiding Remus's question entirely. When he remained silent, I looked up to see his raised eyebrows. "What?"

"So you want to sit with me but you're not going to tell me anything?"

I considered momentarily. "Yeah, pretty much."

He sighed. "Selene…"

"Look, this potion needs you to pay attention." I folded my arms over my chest. "If we get it wrong, it can put the drinker into a very deep sleep. It's only meant to relieve anxiety and agitation."

"Sounds like you could use some of that," James piped up from behind us. I barely refrained from rolling my eyes, looking over the instructions carefully as Remus obediently went about collecting the ingredients. I let my gaze slide across to the other side of the classroom. Evan was looking furious, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed in my direction.

"Good." I examined the ingredients as Remus laid them out, measuring them out before beginning to put them into the cauldron. Remus went to grab something, but I lightly hit his wrist. "Don't. Let me do this."

"What did Rosier do?" Remus inquired as I stirred the potion, waiting for the colour to change. I heaved a sigh, realising that I wasn't about to escape this conversation. As usual, he was a lot more concerned about me than he really should have been. It was somewhat sweet, but I turned my mind from the matter. I couldn't afford to feel anything other than friendship for Remus Lupin.

"We got into an argument, and it got physical."

"He hit you?" Remus sucked in his breath, and when his eyes darted across the classroom, they were full of anger. I touched his arm, shaking my head. The last thing I needed was a brawl to break out in Potions, although to be fair I'd never seen Remus lash out at anyone.

"No. I hit him and then he grabbed me, tight. You wanted to know what happened, well, there it is."

I kept the potion my main focus. I couldn't get distracted. Not by Remus, not by the fact he was worried about me and I was reading too much into it. Remus wasn't my destiny. He was a half-blood. I couldn't even think about him as more than a friend. Evan was what was real. Evan was the only one, unless I could prove I didn't need a man. Unless I could prove I was smart and independent.

"Why don't you just break up with him?" Remus asked, leaning against the desk and watching me brew the potion. Out of the corner of my eye, I had to admit that he was attractive, in an understated sort of way. He was striking like Sirius, but it had only just crept up on me that he was good-looking. I forced myself not to think about that, either.

"It's not that simple." I added the last of the powdered moonstone. "Pureblood families have…expectations of their children. Jobs, futures, that kind of thing. I can't break up with Evan because of that."

"So is it like an arranged marriage?" Remus persisted, frowning. "That sounds crazy. You're only fifteen."

"Evan just turned sixteen," I murmured, not that it mattered – Remus's point was that we were far too young for this, and he was right. Many teenagers weren't even thinking about marriage. But once my parents had sensed my restlessness, my potential rebelliousness, they had decided that Evan would be the one.

"It's still ridiculous. You should have the choice of doing what you want and being with who you want."

I stared down at the potion. "Maybe I want Evan."

"I think we both know that's not true," Remus said. My eyes snapped up to meet his, and his gaze was serious. He'd sensed for a while that Evan and I weren't meant for each other. I felt a wave of frustration, and I just wanted to snap at him, to stop him looking at me like I was something that might break apart at any moment.

"Well done, Miss Malfoy, Mr Lupin!" Professor Slughorn's voice echoed around the classroom, and I looked back at the potion to see it had gone white with a silvery vapour. It was perfect. I hoisted a proud beam across my features, hating the fact that my fight with Evan had dampened my spirits enough that even Slughorn's praise didn't make me feel truly happy.

Sometimes I wondered what would.

* * *

"Dump him," Marlene insisted the moment I told her about what had occurred between Evan and I before the Slug Club party. I sighed, raking a hand through my light blonde hair. It was the same advice I'd been receiving all day, and I hated the fact that it was coming from different people. "I know there's this whole pureblood family thing, but honestly Selene, he's making you unhappy and stressed."

"Yeah, you've been in a mood lately," Benji piped up from where he was leaning against a bookcase, attempting to look casual.

"A mood?" I narrowed my eyes in his direction.

He pointed an accusing finger at me. "Yes, _that_ mood."

"I know you feel like you'd be letting your family down," Marlene ignored Benji, "But the truth is, you can't go through with it. You'd resent him, and being married to him, for the rest of your life. Merlin's beard Selene, we're fifth years. We should be fretting about O.W.L.s, not weddings that are years away."

Marlene was as logical as ever, and although I hated the fact that she was saying what I needed to hear, I was grateful that she was able to put in a way that made sense. Of course she was right. I was more concerned about things with Evan than my exams, and that wasn't how things should be, especially if I was really going to be as successful as I kept telling myself I needed to be.

"Besides, you want to get good grades and work for the Ministry, right?" Marlene continued, as though she'd read my mind. I nodded slowly. I didn't want to be Lucius's shadow, following him into the Ministry on the merit of the Malfoy name. I wanted to be _better_. "If that's true, why do you need Evan? You're still clinging to parts of this pureblood marriage craze. It's the 70s, Selene. You don't need an arranged marriage, or to be a stay-at-home wife and mum."

She was right again. Evan wasn't holding me afloat at all. He was the anchor weighing me down. I just had to be strong enough to cut the rope. I just didn't know what the consequences for that would be.


	6. All Hallows Eve

**Chapter Six: All Hallows Eve**

* * *

 **A/N: So this chapter is one big party (literally), but I think some of you will like it - we have Remus POV and also something you've been waiting for ;)**

* * *

 ** _"_** ** _People will hate as they love, unreasonably." – William M Thackeray_**

* * *

 _Selene Malfoy_

Halloween was, for most, an excuse to dress up as something ridiculous and head out to the annual bonfire that the oldest students hosted. For me, it was a reminder of the depressing fact I'd been in a relationship with Evan for a year. Sometimes – well, a lot of the time – I wondered exactly how I'd managed to cope with him for that long. Since the incident before Slughorn's party, he'd apologised. Profusely and through showering me with gifts like flowers and sweets. I'd accepted the apology, but in the back of my mind, I was wondering when the next incident would be.

The scent of smoke was heavy on the air as we made the familiar trek down to the Quidditch pitch boundary. Music was already pulsating around us, and I felt drawn to the celebration, like a moth to the flame. Although I had no love for Halloween in general, the bonfire parties were always something to behold. I smoothed my hands over my shimmery dress – I'd chosen to dress as a mermaid, while Evan had dressed in the garb of a medieval king. What a surprise. He always did think he was practically royalty.

Costumes were probably part of what fascinated me the most about these parties. Everyone was always dressed up as something spectacular, and my gaze couldn't help but dart across to Remus and his friends. As usual, their costumes were flamboyant and over the top – but who would expect anything less from the Marauders? Although I did have to wonder why Pettigrew was dressed as a pumpkin.

"Punch?" Evan offered as we reached the drinks table. The punch turned a different colour when you poured it into a cup, turning from a mustard yellow into varying bright hues. I nodded and was pleasantly surprised when mine turned lilac. I took a sip, relishing the grape flavour that apparently came with the purple concoction. This had to be made by the seventh-years, because even with my knowledge of Potions, I couldn't think of how to make such a complicated and ever-changing beverage.

"Would you like to dance?" Evan asked.

 _Yes, but not with you._ "No, thank you."

I didn't miss the fact that he rolled his eyes as he sauntered over to his friends. If Evan by himself was irritating, the group of Slytherin boys were unbearable. They only encouraged Evan's bad behaviour, and so I had no intention of following him. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them became Death Eaters when they left school. The thought made my lip curl. I wasn't interested in people who wanted to hurt others.

I glanced across at the Gryffindor boys again. Sirius Black was, of course, making the rounds and flirting with every pretty girl he came across. Potter was trying to impress Lily, with little success. It wasn't either of them I cared about. Finishing the last of my punch, I was overcome by a feeling of boldness. Recklessness. I wanted to defy Evan in some way. If I wasn't going to dance with him, I'd dance with someone else.

* * *

 _Remus Lupin_

I knew that Sirius had dressed as a werewolf as a joke, so I tried not to let it get to me. These Halloween bonfires were fun, or so I was told. I'd never really bothered with them much before now. I far preferred the company of books to teenagers who'd had too much firewhiskey. I couldn't help but keep looking at Selene as she chatted with her friends across the other side of the bonfire. Her silver-blonde hair was pinned above her head with her wand, of all things, with some wavy strands falling down either side of her face. She was dressed as a fairytale version of a mermaid, in a shimmery dress that caught the light and with scales painted on her cheeks.

"Lighten up, Moony." James nudged me in the ribs, handing me a butterbeer. I accepted the drink in silence, trying not to cringe when I saw Peter wandering around – waddling, rather – dressed as a pumpkin. I knew it must have been James or Remus who had told him that it would be a funny idea. Although they enjoyed him being laughing stock, there were times I have to admit I found it repulsive. He was our friend, after all.

"You know I'm not really one for parties," I admitted, taking a sip of my butterbeer. Sirius was, of course, already flirting with a younger Ravenclaw girl. She seemed enthralled by his costume. For me, being a werewolf was so much a part of who I was that I just couldn't bring myself to find it funny. Even now that my friends knew, my full moon transformations were something I dreaded.

"Remus!" The familiar girl's voice almost made me drop my butterbeer as I realised that it was Selene calling me. She was smiling, waving me over. Sometimes, she was a mystery to me. When she'd been crying in the classroom. The fact that she'd chosen to sit with me and partner with me in Potions. I didn't know if she was aware of my crush on her, but if she was, at least she wasn't using it cruelly against me. I glanced at James, completely unsure what to do, but he just offered me a devilish grin before pushing me Selene's way.

"Hey," I said, feeling a bit awkward. She smiled and offered her hand.

"Want to dance?"

"Erm…" Before I could offer a more coherent response, Selene had taken my hand and tugged me closer toward the fire. Her hands rested on my shoulders, and I rested my free hand on the small of her waist almost automatically. I was definitely not much of a dancer, and so the fact that Selene had roped me into this made me feel nervous. She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Relax, Remus. I don't bite."

"I'm not a good dancer," I blurted out. By all means, I was enjoying being in her presence, but I wasn't about to pretend I was something I wasn't. She gave my shoulders a reassuring squeeze, leaning up to kiss my cheek. The display of affection was completely unexpected, but I was definitely okay with it. I felt like my cheek was burning with heat where her lips had been.

"Just spin me. It's easy."

Hesitantly, I took her hand in mine and watched as she twirled. Had Selene had too much firewhiskey? Was that where this daring was coming from? Because I knew for a fact that Rosier certainly wouldn't approve of this. Noting the defiance in her eyes, I realised that was exactly why she was doing it. I looked around for her boyfriend, and I saw him over by the drinks table with a dark look on his face. I couldn't help but swallow hard. I wasn't actively trying to antagonise Rosier.

"Selene…" I mulled the words over, before deciding it was better to get it out in the open. "I don't to be part of your ploy to make your boyfriend angry. I don't know why that's what you want, but I don't really want to make him mad."

"I just wanted to have fun." Selene stepped back, hurt flaring in her eyes. I immediately wished that I could take the words back. What was I saying? I didn't know her intentions. I just knew that Rosier looked furious. She planted her hands on her hips and the next thing I knew, her boyfriend had swooped over to us, eyes narrowed in my direction.

"Did you upset my girlfriend, Lupin?"

"Oh, Merlin, not this." Selene rolled her eyes, turning her gaze on Evan. "I don't need you coming over and intervening all the time, alright? We were just dancing, but we aren't anymore."

"What did he say?" Rosier persisted.

"Right now, the only problem here is you," Selene stated bluntly. Rosier's entire body stiffened and for a second, I was worried he might lash out at her. His eyes glimmered in the firelight, lips curving into a sneer. Selene just smirked at him, silently daring him to do something.

"I think we're done here." Rosier darted me a poisonous glare, before catching Selene by the wrist and tugging her away from the bonfire. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise, but she made no attempt to chastise him or tug away. I watched as they disappeared into the shadows, raking a hand through my hair and exhaling deeply. One day, Selene would open her eyes and realise that she could do better than him, that Rosier caged and suppressed her. It just probably wasn't today.

* * *

 _Selene Malfoy_

I was still buzzing with happiness as Evan led me away from the party. I knew that he was in a foul mood because of the fact that I'd been dancing with Remus, but I also knew that because of how recent he'd last lost his temper with me, he didn't want to admit that. I glanced over my shoulder at the smoke rising gently from the bonfire, at the laughter of the other students. I wanted to stay there with that positivity, not accompany a sour Evan back to the castle.

"Are you mad?" I asked brazenly. Uncomfortable silence didn't do it for me – I needed an answer from him. When he didn't reply, I tugged his arm and spun him to face me. There wasn't any anger in his eyes, but his expression was unreadable. "Evan?"

"I just wish you wouldn't keep pushing me away." He looped his arms around my waist, heaving a sigh. Reaching up, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. A sad smile crossed his lips and for a single foolish moment, I felt sorry for him. I felt bad for the way I'd been acting toward him. That moment was all it took, because the next thing I knew, Evan's lips were on mine.

We'd done this a year ago, with more enthusiasm and less experience. I rested my hands on his shoulders and willed myself to think he was a good guy. That he was genuine about me, even if I wasn't about him. His hands and lips roamed, and I let them. I closed my eyes and relaxed, let him kiss my neck and grope at me. It wasn't so bad, really. Then I realised what I was doing. I wasn't doing this for me, I was doing this for Evan. Was this what marriage would be like, surrendering because it was easier rather than because I actually wanted to?

It shouldn't be this way. I was only fifteen but that much I knew. Intimacy should be passionate, not me standing there like a statue while Evan was all over me. His hand slipped beneath the hem of my shimmery dress and I tensed up. This wasn't what I wanted. I had thought maybe I did, and maybe I would…but not with Evan. It didn't feel right, it felt forced and uncomfortable.

"Evan, stop."

Instead of drawing back or even sullenly accepting this wasn't what I wanted, Evan tugged me closer against him. His hand crept up my thigh as he kissed across my shoulder. My apprehension at rejecting him quickly turned into anger and confusion at the fact that he hadn't listened to me. I squirmed to try and make my point clear, but still Evan's hands continued to roam in unwanted places.

"I said stop," I said through gritted teeth.

Again, he didn't listen. If anything my attempts at rejection seemed to make him more aggressive. His hands rougher, his kisses harder. My anger was morphing into fear. What if he didn't stop? What if he wouldn't listen? I reached back and tugged my wand from where it had been holding the waves of my hair in place. Reacting on instinct, I pointed the wand at Evan's chest.

" _Flipendo_."

Evan grunted as he was knocked flat on his back on the grass. I clenched my hand tightly around my wand, prepared to jinx him again if he reacted violently. I was shaking with a mixture of rage and trepidation. I pointed my wand accusingly at Evan again as he sat up, looking a bit dazed. He held his hands up in surrender when he noticed that I had my wand at the ready.

"Whoa, Selene."

"I asked you to stop twice and you didn't," I spat. I hated the fact that he was acting like I was being overdramatic. Tears pricked in my eyes and I swiped at them angrily. He wasn't getting the satisfaction of seeing me cry over this. I knew now that no way was I keeping this up. Evan didn't care about what I thought, what I felt. He was selfish and arrogant. I wanted nothing more to do with him. Let my parents get annoyed at me for rejecting what would be seen as a wonderful pureblood marriage. I wanted no part in it.

"I'm sorry you're upset over this," Evan said, easing himself to his feet. To me, that wasn't an apology at all. He was saying he was sorry about my feelings rather than his actions. I shook my head vigorously.

"You know what? It's over between us."

Evan let his head fall back. "Selene, don't be like that."

"Like what?" I snapped. I was so furious that I no longer cared what I said and if it might hurt his feelings. "I told you not to do something and you _didn't listen to me_. You never listen to me, because to you, this relationship isn't even about me."

Not prepared to listen to his excuses or attempts to dissuade me, I spun on my heel and stomped back toward the castle. Would I regret breaking up with Evan in the morning? I didn't think I would. I'd let him have power over me for too long. I wasn't an object or a creature to be controlled. I had a mind and a will of my own, and if I was destined never to marry because of that, so be it. My goals and ambitions were far bigger than to settle for being someone's wife.

* * *

Lorna was already at the dorm when I got back, which surprised me – she was usually the last to leave the party. A smirk curved her lips and she went to offer some comment, before her face fell when she realised the state I was in. I crossed the room and hurled myself onto my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Evan and his friends weren't going to be too kind to me. I just didn't care anymore, not about them. I would only be involved with people who were prepared to treat me with respect, and Evan wasn't one of those people.

"Selene, are you okay?" Lorna asked. I felt the bed sink under her weight and I sat up slowly. I was a little unprepared for her concern, but she'd never had reason to be before. Lorna was always the 'fun' friend, the one I went to when I wanted to have a good time and not focus on school or grades.

"Evan and I broke up." The words were blunt. I couldn't be bothered with procrastination, so I told it like it was. Lorna heaved a sigh and reached for my hand. I let her take it, unsure what exactly I should be feeling. I was…relieved. Although I was upset, that was mostly because of what Evan had done, the reason for my ultimate decision.

"What happened?" Lorna inquired, the question that I was dreading.

"We were kissing and he wanted it to go further." I licked my lips. "I asked him to stop but he wouldn't, so I had to jinx him to make him leave me alone. I just don't understand why he wouldn't listen to me."

"Sometimes they don't stop," Lorna murmured, and the softness of her voice made me glance sharply at her. Her eyes were miserable. My stomach lurched as I thought of all the times I'd seen Lorna in a disapproving way because of her public interactions with boys. When I realised what she was saying, I linked my fingers through hers and squeezed her hand tightly.

"Lorna, I…I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." A wry smile crossed her lips and her voice was strong and confident again. "It was a while ago now. It doesn't matter."

I wanted to ask who had done this to her, who it was so I could go and hex them. I knew it wasn't my business though, so I didn't ask. Lorna didn't want this to be about her, that much was very clear. If I felt uncomfortable talking about it, I couldn't even imagine how it felt to be Lorna. I let my head drop to rest on her shoulder. She released my hand to rub small circles on my back.

"I don't want to be with someone like that. If I'm going to have a partner, I want them to care about me and consider me. Evan only thinks about himself."

"You deserve better." Lorna used a finger to tilt my chin so that I turned to face her. There was something intense burning in her eyes, and it wasn't sadness because of any memories I might have inadvertently triggered. She was so close that I could see how thick her eyelashes were, how deep brown her eyes were.

Then her lips were on mine. She kissed me more softly than Evan did, with a gentleness I'd never thought possible. Yet despite the fact that Lorna was my good friend, this didn't feel right. I stiffened in surprise and Lorna immediately drew back, tugging away from me and raking a hand through her dark hair. She looked as alarmed at her actions as I was. I had never realised that Lorna felt that way, not about girls and certainly not about me.

"Oh Merlin, Selene…I'm sorry. After Evan tonight, that was the last thing you needed, I didn't even think…"

"It's okay," I assured her. While Evan hadn't left me alone, Lorna had realised within a split second that I wasn't interested in kissing her, and drew away. She'd respected the fact that it hadn't been what I wanted. "Lorna, you're a good friend, but I…I like boys."

"I know," Lorna groaned and flopped back on her own bed. "All I was thinking about was making you feel better and…look, can we just pretend it never happened?"

"Of course." Despite the kiss, Lorna had been supportive of me tonight, right when I'd needed someone on my side. Especially considering tomorrow, the rest of the Slytherin fifth-years would probably be against me. I offered her a reassuring smile, before hunting around in my trunk for my pyjamas. I was in no way prepared for the consequences my break-up with Evan was going to have.


End file.
